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Hope . NEVER . Dies.

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Eating disorder bloggers wanted for survey [31 Mar 2008|12:27pm]
I am a current graduate student researching the social history of food-related disorders, inspired, in large part, from my own struggles with anorexia and bulimia.  I'm conducting an anonymous survey of bloggers who blog about eating disorders or eating disorder recovery in partnership with a clinical psychologist for joint research and publication purposes.

I'm hoping our survey generates lots of responses so that our findings are well-rounded, inclusive and convincing.  The only two requirements are that you must have an active blog and that it must address, at least in part, your experiences with an eating disorder.  I'm hoping for responses from people of all ages and genders who are in all stages of recovery and who suffer from a diversity of eating disorders, from anorexia to binge eating disorder to ed-nos to orthorexia. 

If the scope of the study pertains to your own experiences, I invite you to participate by taking it.  More information and a survey link can be found here or http://the-f-word.org/blog/index.php/2008/03/23/eating-disordered-bloggers-wanted-for-survey/

Thank you!

Rachel Richardson
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Thanksgiving [23 Nov 2005|10:35am]

In life sometimes we feel like things are unusually bad. People get so caught up in what needs improvement, what we lack, how we struggle, and how far we are from being where we want to be. You're just walking your path on a road that may not be smooth... but, so is everyone else. Yet somehow you may find yourself seeking pitty; asking yourself why things are as bad as they are. You ask yourself "Why me?", or say "Could things get any worse?"

The answer to that question is more often than not YES.


To everyone, please, not just on Thanksgiving; but as a life time goal. Learn to count your blessings. Dont let lifes beauty pass you by. Be thankful for the air you breath and the blessing of the day ahead of you... because tomarrow is promised to no one. Life is a gift. Each day you wake up is hand wraped by God. Enjoy it. Be glad in it.

Though at times life is hard, you may feel yourself losing hope. Sometimes wishing NOT to see tomarrow. Remeber.... You've been given THIS DAY, But its up to you how you use it. A better life starts TODAY, and it starts WITH YOU.
I'd like to think that as long as you are here you have SOMETHING to be thankful for. Embarace it. Because LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

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[07 Nov 2005|10:19am]

Im new to this community. And I really like what I read about it. Its a change from the others that I've seen.

Im 19 years old and I weigh 240 lbs. I stand at no more than 5'6". Im about 100 lbs overweight. All my life I've struggled with my weight. I was never popular. I only had a few friends in grade school. And overall I was very sheltered. All throughtout my schooling I had very little friends. My first kiss was when I was 17. My first boyfriend was also in my last year of high school at 17. I didn't graduate high school and had to go to continuation school to get my diploma. I went to one semester of college, then dropped out while all my other friends went to universities. I had the potential to be a journalist. But I quickly gave up on that. I've been depressed all my life, but my family refused to see it. The only thing that brought comfort to me was food. It was the one thing that I thought could never leave me or hurt me. It was the one thing that filled the void in my life. The one thing that couldn't lie or yell at me. When I was sad food was there for me to make me feel better. My mom was (and still is) a work-a-holic with an addiction to sleeping pills. My dad left me when I was 9 and I sometimes think that my mom did as well. I live with my aunt and my grandmother and my two cousins. I've seen my mother at least everyother weekend, but never any longer than that. My life has never been anything anyone could consider 'normal'. I tend to binge eat, take laxatives, then eat again. I want to lose weight but I don't know how. I feel that Im addicted to food and its sad. I don't like looking in the mirror and I don't like taking pictures. I feel like a monster. I have stretch marks all over my body and a belly that hangs. Im not pretty by any means. When I buy clothes I cut off the tags so I don't remember what size I am. I never weigh myself. And When I do, I tend to eat right after. I have bad acne and I don't wear make-up. My face is oily and my pores are dark. I eat to make myself feel better. That in itself is sad. Im afraid someday I'll wake-up and wont be able to get out of bed. If I could bring myself to cutting myself I would, but I know it wouldn't help in any way. I'd still be fat. I'd still be ugly. I'd still be a disgusting piece of human waste.

If anybody in this community has the same problem as I do, please share your thoughts.

Thanks for reading this.
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[29 Jun 2005|08:23pm]

[ mood | sad ]

Im depressed... pregnant too.
Hes gone.
And no, Im not just a dumby who got knocked up.
I 've known him most of my life. He was my first crush, first kiss, first alot of things...
Anyway... I sorta rediscovered him at age 20, we dated for a year he asked me to marry him. I found out I was pregnant...and he ditched me. He's spent the last six months or so dating a bitch who was once one of my best friends... not to mention she was also our roomate when we dated.
Im due in july... I cant seem to get him or her out of my head... I wasn't ready to be a single mother of 2 (I already have a kid)... Im just not cut from the right cloth to be comfortable with adoption at this point.

Im just a fucking wreck.
I miss this asshole, and the thought of him, plus back pain, keeps me up at night in tears. I WANNA FEEL BETTER. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HUG ME AND TELL ME IT WILL BE OK, EVEN IF I KNOW ITS NOT TRUE.

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I'm new [22 Jan 2005|11:21pm]

[ mood | awake ]

Hey everyone,

I joined because I have a lot of problems that have been dragging me down and I can't really talk to anyone about them.

I'm depressed, I have bad OCD, real bad panic/anxiety attacks, and I don't even know what kind of eating disorder anymore. Or even if it is an eating disorder. First I use to starve myself, and now I binge even though I work out everyday. I can't keep my eating under control at all and it scares me. I'm only 16, after all. I'm not over weight or anything, but I'm still scared.

The real bad thing is my OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). It just sucks. The first thing I ever took for it (a couple of months ago, this happened) was Zoloft, which was also for my depression. I had a very bad reaction to it and it made me sick. I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. Now I'm on Luvox, and things are slowly getting better and then getting worse again. One large mental yo-yo.

My American Lit. teacher has it too, and he's been such a doll with trying to help me out. He really has been great and one day I'll figure out a way to make it up to him. But this is something that one has to figure out on their own. That's pretty much it for me at the moment, I think. Good night everyone and thanks for reading...and just being here is great. Good night.

~Hula Monkey <3

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new member.. [01 Jan 2005|11:25pm]

[ mood | hopeful ]

hey... i just wanted to leave a message since i just joined... i've been depressed for some time, it seemed to be getting better, but the dreary winter seems to have set it off again. Sometimes I just feel weird.. like IM weird.. and that no one can understand. I cut for some time also.. I managed to stop that, but my scars wont fade. Im young, and somewhat stupid. I can't enjoy my high school years because i just dont have many friends to enjoy it with :( ech anyways, im probably depressing you guys further, sorry. I just wanted to leave a note saying hi :)

1 comment|post comment

A message for everybody who joins and posts. [14 Oct 2004|02:31pm]

[ mood | apathetic ]

Hey everybody.
This is Ashley aka "suicidexnotes". I just wanted to let everybody know that if they ever need to talk, Feel free to add me to your msn or email me, My email address for msn is threelostwords@hotmail.com and my email address for sending and recieving mail is ashley@razorbladesandbandaids.com.

Im posting this because right now im going through alot of treatment for my OCD and therapy for all my other problems so I dont have the energy to read and respond to everybody and make sure everybody is doing okay.

So if anybody needs a friend, You know how to reach me.


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[23 Aug 2004|01:38am]

[ mood | aggravated ]

Name: Kayla
Age: 15
Location: Worcester, MA
Years of SI: 3-almost 4 years.
Why do you SI? (optional question): everything just gets to a point where i cant stand it. i dont really feel like im in control of my life. but i can control how i feel when i cut. and it just makes things so much better.
Interests: music. my friends. girls.
Other: I'm doing pretty well. I haven't cut in about 2 weeks. I know its just a matter of time before i end up doing it again, but right now im good. I guess the hospital trips and such havent taught me much of anything. I'll learn someday. When I'm happy.

1 comment|post comment

[29 Jul 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Name: Marybeth
Age: 15
Location: New Bern, Nc
Years of SI: 3
Why do you SI? (optional question): When I get really stressed out, or I am having friend problems or anything, I end up cutting. It makes me feel so much better. I get all the anger out, everything seems to go away. Then, it all comes back, so I cut again. I suppose that doesn't make much sense, but it does at the time.
Interests: Music.Friends.My boyfriend.Concerts.Thunderstorms.
Other: I have some pic, I suppose I will put under an Lj cut. But, I am going through alot of stress, and I suppose it doesn't really concern me, but I feel like it does. My best friend got put under house arrest, my boyfriend is being just.. Weird. And it seems like everything is falling apart. Though I know it's not. I go see someone, ech, once or twice a month now, and she says I am getting better, but I know I'm not. I just don't show it. Ok. I'm crying now. On with the pictures.

Wow. Lj cut is my best friend :]Collapse )
Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops.

2 comments|post comment

i'm new [07 Jun 2004|01:39am]

Name: Nicole
Age: 19
Location: British Columbia, Canada.
Years of SI: about 4
Why do you SI? (optional question): calms me down, gives me release
Interests: umm i love canadian music, languages, politics, lots of stuff, i can't think right now!!
Other: feel free to check out my community selfharmhome my site is at Self-Harm Home
NOT pro-self-harm, but anyone is welcome to come and check it out!!
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Optional [30 May 2004|12:30am]

If anybody would like to introduce themselves to other members in this community, Please do. It will be nice to get some posts being made here.

Feel free to talk about your problems. I will respond to every entry you make. :)

Remember... Nobody gets judged here.

So I guess I shall start this introduction dealy...

Name: Ashley
Age: 21
Location: L. Ontario, Canada.
Years of SI: 10.
Why do you SI? (optional question): It's my way to deal with internal problems, It just makes me feel better. I would rather take my anger out on myself rather then those who matter most to me.
Interests: Photography. Music. Concerts. Art. Writing. Web design. Animal liberation. PETA. etc.
Other: [Write whatever other things you wish to write]
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[18 Apr 2004|11:38pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

To all who feel hopeless... Keep in mind... Hope never dies. Things will get better.


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Welcome! [17 Apr 2004|04:29am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

This is my very first LJ community. I decided to start this community after checking out similar communities, Yet this community is for people who suffer from self injuring and ARENT proud of their disorder. Not to diss the other communities, but self injuring isnt something to brag about, be proud of, and post pictures of.

So to start this off... My name is Ashley, Im 21 years old and ive been suffering with this disorder for about 8+ years now.
I suffer from 2 OCD's, One being a hand washing disorder and the other being cutting. This is totally out of my control and I certainly am not proud of what I do, As im sure many other arent aswell. So since I originally started looking for communities like this looking for people would could relate to me and possibley help and found nothing except people who seem proud, I decided to create this community for those of us who are not proud of what we do.



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